How to kill negativity as a working mum

About a month ago I went for a job interview and failed miserably. For the sake of my family I needed it, and by failing I thought I simply wasn’t worth it anymore, being a mum. Skills I may have, but having a baby is a full time job. But it’s only recognised as such if it’s detrimental. Usually we hear “it’s not as hard as if you had to…” And “what’s wrong? you get to lie around all day!” But when you want a job it’s “aren’t you too busy to take on a full time job?” It’s. All. Bull. (Excuse the expression).

We ARE worth it, and any company who can’t see that you’re amazing being able to take on both mothering AND a job, doesn’t deserve you. It took me a long time to realise this, but I finally have and got a job with a GREAT company.

It’s as an English teacher in a daycare, where I’ll work 9 hours a day, including a one hour lunch break. I get full benefits, training towards a childcare qualification, a great wage, it’s not far from home and the clincher? My baby can come too! Though this is not usually a good thing, as it pulls your focus, my planned daycare suddenly said there was no space. Knowing he could definitely go, made things much easier.

I was actually offered TWO jobs, which was manic. Both excellent and exciting, though both slightly different, but both in excellent companies. It was hard to decide and, at one point, I was leaning towards the other job, which was closer to home. The job I eventually took did everything it could to help.

If a company is willing to do this, I’m obviously not worthless. We need to remember that being mums ADDS to our list of qualifications and worth. It in no way detracts. If you haven’t found the job yet, remember you’re worth it and it’s out there.

Oh!… And the one that turned me down is still looking. 😉

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You know you’re a mum when (2)…

I started out trying to write all the things that came to me recently for this and eventually the most relevant was:

  • You know you’re a mum when you’re too exhausted to remember what you were doing five minutes ago, and can only think about what you have to do next.

These last two weeks have been quite trying on me. I managed one fantastic day of housework and cooking, but since then it has been going downhill. Things are great, but there’s so much to do I can hardly remember what I should be doing.

I have two job interviews this week, the first of which was today and I hope went well, but I have another one on Thursday for a different job, and doctors appointments, cleaning, packing for our holiday, shopping for food, folding and putting away the mountain of clothes and so much more I can’t remember right now.

I’ve multitasked before but never like this. Now that I’m Mumming It, I’m drawing out strength I never knew I had. It may be tough, but I can manage it. I’m exhausted from my boy changing his sleep routine again, and baby proofing now he’s about to crawl; but I somehow still have energy and patience.

There are days when I feel it’s too much, but I still pull through. I’ve only got one tiny person and it’s a challenge. I salute all women with more, and hope that I’ll find new strength when I have my next one.

Babysitter down

It has been a turbulent week this week resulting in a complete inability to post. There were good things and bad things so let’s look at them.

I worked a lot, but sadly Kyouya hasn’t been sleeping so I’m simply up several times throughout the night. It’s not nice going to work after 4 hours of regularly disturbed sleep, but there’s not much you can do about it.

We also had baby daddy’s birthday this week, and that was nice. We had to celebrate over several days considering everything, but the highlight was probably the Karaoke. I hate singing in front of anyone, but hubby managed to persuade me while he stood holding our tiny person. As I sang Adele’s “hello” he fell asleep! The tiny ball of energy fell asleep in a karaoke room while I murdered a beautiful song! Children are weird but this was oddly flattering.

The biggest issue this week was probably my babysitter. She has been a rock, bless her, but my tiny fat boy has gotten the better of her a few times this week. Wanting mummy, he gets clingy to her in my absence and often screams blue murder if you put him down. Since neither of us are fans of the “cry it out” method, it has meant a few long hours trying to calm him down in the baby carrier. Now if that wasn’t enough, she suffered two injuries this week saving my son from injury. One fall injuring her back and knee, another, only on Sunday, a day and a bit later, falling down and somehow almost decapitating her toes! Yeah, you read that right… without ANY sharp objects she somehow bent her toes completely back on her foot, and split open the back of her toes… I considered uploading a picture, but since I nearly vomited, the faint of heart may easily… Well … Faint.

She had four stitches in one toe and three in the other with extremely likely nerve damage. Despite many bets waged, she didn’t break ANY bones. Those betting blame her hypermobility and say they were cheated. Being among them, I naturally agree lol. But were it not for her sacrificing her foot as her knee gave out, my son could have suffered terrible injuries in such a small space. So this may mean I cannot work anymore until we get him into daycare, but on my part I’m just glad she’s not any worse and I’m eternally grateful that he’s ok.

I’ve struggled privately with lack of breast milk due to my working, and his new found fondness for food. But when I come home he always rummages for boob, so they’re still best quality it seems.

I’ve also been struggling on the job front. If I find a job I like I invariably don’t get a response, and jobs I don’t like come in spades. It’s a nightmare. As I’ve said previously, I have to love a job if I’m going to leave little man to do it. Just gonna have to keep looking.

Milestones were a-plenty this week. He managed to get his bum off the floor in crawling, only 3 seconds but now all we need is to move forward! I have high hopes he’ll be steady all four wobbling in two weeks.

More than anything I hope things start getting easier soon. I hope you all are well too.

Determination on the home front

While mums are amazing in their own right, juggling housework, spouses and children, working mum’s deserve a little extra kudos. Juggling the above AND a job is extremely difficult. Generally speaking you must sacrifice any time you’d usually rest for the sake of the family.

Naturally a mother’s grasp on the housework, and indeed work, rest on the welfare of the family and her own body. If she or another family member are unwell, it will be impossible to keep the house exactly at her preferred standard without an even higher than normal output.

Recently, I’ve been swamped with work. I’ve also had a persistent cold. And then there’s the baby going through a growth spurt who wants 100% attention. The house looks awful, I won’t lie. But it’s ok. I know I’m doing my best. What’s more is I don’t even have it that hard. With only one tiny person to look after, I’m much less pressed than other mothers, working or not. Once I have 4 and a job, I’m sure I’ll fully understand exactly how difficult is and how hard mothers work.

Until then, I want to say “well done” to all you full time mum’s and working mum’s. You’re doing an excellent job and I live in awe of you every day.

Please make some time for you today, you deserve it.

You’re not fooling anyone!

Remember when you were a kid, when you didn’t want to go to bed? How you’d be active and try to convince your parents you weren’t tired, even when you were… And you wondered how they were never fooled? I get it now. It’s so obvious we may as well have attached flashing neon signs to ourselves saying “I’m sleepy!”

Kyouya will babble and get hyperactive whenever he’s tired. He’ll get really chatty in a desperate attempt to convince you, he’s not tired. More than that too, he’ll cry if you put him in the baby carrier. The baby carrier will win out over sleepy baby EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. It may be a few minutes, it may be 30 if he’s determined, but he WILL sleep. If I put him in it he knows I’ve caught onto him, and will cry as I put him in, but will immediately quieten down once strapped to me. It’s comfy after all!

It may be nothing much, but it makes me smile that I’ve solved this little childhood mystery. There will be more 🙂

Fever pitch

Net silence from me for the last few days following a fever that wouldn’t quit. Once you become a mum, usual resting rules don’t apply. You are needed by the tiny person who can blow raspberries with his mouth, and thoroughly enjoys it. So what would usually be a 1 day cold, spread over FOUR days, from initial scratchy throat to final phlegm farewell.

Throughout any sickness, your number one fear is always “will the tiny person get it?” Not only because you’re worried for them, but because a sick child is about as much fun as a guy with “manflu”. The key distinction between the two is that those with manflu go out of their way to tell you how awful they are feeling, children may cry but they hardly explain what’s wrong, and thus second guessing will drive an already sick mummy mad.

I got lucky. For although I was sick, little Kyouya stayed healthy. No sign of a fever, no nothing! And today my fever FINALLY broke.

Although I can’t be sure, I’m certain my worrying about little man’s health kept my fever stronger for longer. Hard though it is, I’ll have to remember to not let my mind get carried away, and deal with sick mummy pronto. You’re no use to the tiny person if you’re out of action long term.

Take care of yourselves! Xxx

Milestones on a schedule

Now that it’s April I’m working full steam. It’s a slow month, but I still have to be AT work sadly. But we’ve moved Kyouya onto solids.

What does this mean for me then? Well, besides having to strictly supervise my husband’s feeding frenzies, in which he gives him WAY too much unless I’m breathing down his neck, it also means that my little one’s tummy is having a rough time, and needs mummy to help relieve gas and other delights from the land down under.

So far this has meant he has woken up for winding a few times, but otherwise he has been sleeping better. The only thing is that, so that he can relieve his wind before bedtime, I need to get back home earlier. Not only this, I don’t want to miss out on the horrified grimaces and joyful smiles as new flavours are introduced!

He tried carrots yesterday, but daddy didn’t wait for mummy to get home… Mummy was very angry. Especially because, despite the video showing it, I wasn’t there to witness my son experiencing a new flavour. I would have loved to see it LIVE, as my son decided carrots are not for him! Instead I get the video version.

Because of my firm determination not to miss anymore feeding times, I have started altering my work schedule. I’m lucky my job allows for this, which means I will have to be careful when deciding on a future job, in order to avoid missing more special moments than are necessary.

Everything centres around my boy and all the thoughts and concerns swirl around constantly in my head, creating a nonsensical soup of words.

I hope this soup didn’t give you a headache!

First food!

We fed him his first solids today! We went for watery, mushy rice and he LOVED it. He was extremely confused at first but eventually became very sad there wasn’t anymore food. Naturally we have him a single spoon today, but in stages and he eventually got the hang of it. He even cried for more.

We spent a month deciding which food to make him first, and eventually decided we’d start bland and work to yummier foods. I’m looking forward to finding out his likes and don’t likes, especially since it’ll be dominating my time from now on.

I’ll let you know how it goes! Kyouya is almost 5 months but is super big at over 20lbs, so nearly twice his birth weight. Comment on how old your little one was when you moved to solids and what you chose as the first food!

Hairdresser fun!

I’m extremely lucky in that my nearby hairdresser (20 minute walk) is both good AND has a babysitter that doesn’t cost extra!

Yesterday, I needed to get my hair done, my roots were showing and it looked awful. I had mostly golden blonde hair with dark brown roots. Honestly embarrassing, but a regular occurrence you just have to get used to as a busy mum. Thanks to the salon though, I dont have to live with it too long.

After a lot of consideration I decided to change the blonde, and sent for a more white blonde on recommendation. I also went from mid length to my old favourite, the pixie cut. It looks great.

So far I’ve been told I look younger and thinner! I had no idea I was looking old and fat, but thank God it’s over lol. Now, I love it, my friends love it, my husband loves it… What about baby.

It. Was. Hilarious. I got a glazed staring face. He clearly didn’t recognise me at first. Then he seemed to realise a little after I spoke, but wasn’t convinced. Half way home he refused to stay in the pram anymore, and screamed in a way that showed he was convinced he’d been kidnapped. I put him in the baby carrier and he calmed down, obviously recognised my scent, and he fell asleep. It’s a day on and he’s still not convinced. He has been breastfed several times and stuff, but he seems a little unhappy still. It’s hilarious watching the amount of confusion a simple cut and colour does.

Lucky for him I’m gonna keep it this way for a while, it’s so cute. See for yourself!

Working Mummy worries 2

I didn’t get the job. It sucks. I clammed up in the interview and my answers were AWFUL. Seriously… They couldn’t script a worse one. And now I’m stuck in two minds: I want to be at home with my baby, so this is good, but I want to help support my husband.

Since I got the rejection my mind has been rocking from “yay!” To “oh my god, what have I done”. My husband has no problem with the outcome, and says he’ll support whichever way forward I choose, be it work or stay at home mum. This is where it gets hard. Working mothers are not always doing it just to stay afloat financially; we also do it because we like it. I’m a go getter, I’ve had a part time job since I was 13 and haven’t stopped working. I love it, the challenge, and it’s part of me.

You give up so much of yourself when you become a mum… Everything comes second at the very least. So to give up work if you’re a worker bee, is like giving up another side of your identity. So while the idea of being able to watch Kyouya go through these milestones is wonderful, I’m really raring to go to a job I love. Not to mention the continuing desire to help my husband. It’s a real weight, so for the next month I’m going to be trying my best to find a job that I would be satisfied to do full time, that I’d love enough that I wouldn’t feel so guilty leaving my little boy; and if I can’t find it by that time… I’m going to have to make peace with not working.

Wish me luck!