Milestones on a schedule

Now that it’s April I’m working full steam. It’s a slow month, but I still have to be AT work sadly. But we’ve moved Kyouya onto solids.

What does this mean for me then? Well, besides having to strictly supervise my husband’s feeding frenzies, in which he gives him WAY too much unless I’m breathing down his neck, it also means that my little one’s tummy is having a rough time, and needs mummy to help relieve gas and other delights from the land down under.

So far this has meant he has woken up for winding a few times, but otherwise he has been sleeping better. The only thing is that, so that he can relieve his wind before bedtime, I need to get back home earlier. Not only this, I don’t want to miss out on the horrified grimaces and joyful smiles as new flavours are introduced!

He tried carrots yesterday, but daddy didn’t wait for mummy to get home… Mummy was very angry. Especially because, despite the video showing it, I wasn’t there to witness my son experiencing a new flavour. I would have loved to see it LIVE, as my son decided carrots are not for him! Instead I get the video version.

Because of my firm determination not to miss anymore feeding times, I have started altering my work schedule. I’m lucky my job allows for this, which means I will have to be careful when deciding on a future job, in order to avoid missing more special moments than are necessary.

Everything centres around my boy and all the thoughts and concerns swirl around constantly in my head, creating a nonsensical soup of words.

I hope this soup didn’t give you a headache!

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First food!

We fed him his first solids today! We went for watery, mushy rice and he LOVED it. He was extremely confused at first but eventually became very sad there wasn’t anymore food. Naturally we have him a single spoon today, but in stages and he eventually got the hang of it. He even cried for more.

We spent a month deciding which food to make him first, and eventually decided we’d start bland and work to yummier foods. I’m looking forward to finding out his likes and don’t likes, especially since it’ll be dominating my time from now on.

I’ll let you know how it goes! Kyouya is almost 5 months but is super big at over 20lbs, so nearly twice his birth weight. Comment on how old your little one was when you moved to solids and what you chose as the first food!

Hairdresser fun!

I’m extremely lucky in that my nearby hairdresser (20 minute walk) is both good AND has a babysitter that doesn’t cost extra!

Yesterday, I needed to get my hair done, my roots were showing and it looked awful. I had mostly golden blonde hair with dark brown roots. Honestly embarrassing, but a regular occurrence you just have to get used to as a busy mum. Thanks to the salon though, I dont have to live with it too long.

After a lot of consideration I decided to change the blonde, and sent for a more white blonde on recommendation. I also went from mid length to my old favourite, the pixie cut. It looks great.

So far I’ve been told I look younger and thinner! I had no idea I was looking old and fat, but thank God it’s over lol. Now, I love it, my friends love it, my husband loves it… What about baby.

It. Was. Hilarious. I got a glazed staring face. He clearly didn’t recognise me at first. Then he seemed to realise a little after I spoke, but wasn’t convinced. Half way home he refused to stay in the pram anymore, and screamed in a way that showed he was convinced he’d been kidnapped. I put him in the baby carrier and he calmed down, obviously recognised my scent, and he fell asleep. It’s a day on and he’s still not convinced. He has been breastfed several times and stuff, but he seems a little unhappy still. It’s hilarious watching the amount of confusion a simple cut and colour does.

Lucky for him I’m gonna keep it this way for a while, it’s so cute. See for yourself!

Working Mummy worries 2

I didn’t get the job. It sucks. I clammed up in the interview and my answers were AWFUL. Seriously… They couldn’t script a worse one. And now I’m stuck in two minds: I want to be at home with my baby, so this is good, but I want to help support my husband.

Since I got the rejection my mind has been rocking from “yay!” To “oh my god, what have I done”. My husband has no problem with the outcome, and says he’ll support whichever way forward I choose, be it work or stay at home mum. This is where it gets hard. Working mothers are not always doing it just to stay afloat financially; we also do it because we like it. I’m a go getter, I’ve had a part time job since I was 13 and haven’t stopped working. I love it, the challenge, and it’s part of me.

You give up so much of yourself when you become a mum… Everything comes second at the very least. So to give up work if you’re a worker bee, is like giving up another side of your identity. So while the idea of being able to watch Kyouya go through these milestones is wonderful, I’m really raring to go to a job I love. Not to mention the continuing desire to help my husband. It’s a real weight, so for the next month I’m going to be trying my best to find a job that I would be satisfied to do full time, that I’d love enough that I wouldn’t feel so guilty leaving my little boy; and if I can’t find it by that time… I’m going to have to make peace with not working.

Wish me luck!

Working Mummy worries

I had my job interview today. I have high hopes. It’s a great job and in a great place. Considering how difficult it is to leave your child in the care of someone else, I couldn’t do it for anything other than the best job that I loved.

But I worry. What am I gonna miss if I get this job? He’s extremely attached recently as I’ve tried to go to my current job more, and often cries for ‘Mama’ when I’m not there. I’m terrified that leaving him with others will cause him damage in the long run. That this is heartless. I mean, is it really necessary to do this?

We’re getting by, sure it’s tight and kinda paycheck to paycheck, but we’re ok.

Truthfully I don’t wanna leave my baby right now, but I know that this would help us all and take some pressure off daddy. I’m not the only mum to work nowadays. I just need to make my peace with it.

Tomorrow I’ll get the call about the job, and if I get it I’m gonna go at it full throttle and then make the most out of my time with Kyouya. It’s going to be heart-wrenching but there are so many good things to be said about the position and the benefits for the family. Especially since my outgoings are minimal and they pay all expenses. My entire wage packet would go to family savings! Not to mention bonuses and weekends off with the family. I’ve just gotta keep positive, and give all the love I can to my baby when I see him.

It’s so hard… I love him so much.

You know you’re a mum when…

  • You arrive to work with cuddly toys in your handbag
  • You don’t notice the sick stain on your shoulder
  • You can fall asleep in ANY position to avoid waking your child
  • You frequently don’t know what the date is, and sometimes not even the day.
  • You no longer care if you’re wearing makeup to go out.
  • You put more effort in finding coats that cover up the state of your clothes, than clean clothes if you’re going to the shops.
  • When you consider 4 hours of solid sleep, amazing
  • If you can pick up an inordinate amount of things using your toes while baby is strapped to you sleeping.
  • You can now make clothes white, though you still don’t know how you’re doing it
  • When you don’t care about getting peed or pooed on, just that you lost this round

These are just today’s, but feel free to comment with your own and I’ll put them on the next list and credit you for it.

The battle for “mama” and “dada”

For those of you who know, hearing your child call you mama or dada brings unbelievable joy to your heart. There’s nothing like it… But which will they say first?

My boy recently said “mama”. He’s been saying it for ages and seemed to refer to me, but we got it with understanding and feeling on camera yesterday. I was overjoyed. Usually children say “dada” first because it’s easier to pronounce, but I got super lucky. But now daddy is a little sad and naturally a bit jealous. I think there’s a good chance he’ll cry when he finally says it to him, but yesterday he said “dada”!

Now it was the first time he said “dada” so I was stunned and didn’t get it on camera as he hasn’t repeated it, but I told his daddy. He’s even more eager to hear it now! So today my task is to encourage tiny person today dada as much as possible. I want to see my husband’s face light up as much as mine did.

But for now I’m gonna see if this tyrant will let me sleep a bit more, cos I’m shattered.

Can you have a cake and eat it too?

No one understands crisis of character like a new mother. Previously you could put yourself either first or pretty high up on your list, but once you’ve got a baby, all that is sidelined. That’s not to say you never put yourself first again, it’s just the priorities change. You want to go out with a friend for her birthday, but baby comes first. You want to go out for a meal or to a movie, but baby comes first. You want JUST ONE MINUTE of peace and quiet, free from worry, but baby stops that too. Don’t get me wrong: it’s worth it, but there are times where it’s harder to let things go. The other day I was faced with such a dilemma.

I found a job.

And not just any job! One I loved! It was perfect for me, exactly to my skillset, close to home, rewarding and had loads of extra benefits on top! But what about baby? Impossible right? Not to mention, typical bad timing… But I couldn’t leave it alone. I decided to apply and explain everything about my mini person in the covering letter. I didn’t want to regret not trying. I resigned myself to the fact that I was never gonna get it, especially with so many non complicated applications, and 70 other applicants. But I tried. You have to remember who you are underneath being a Mum. True to that go getter worker bee I applied and smiled that I didn’t just give up a dream.

They called.

4 days after I submitted it, I get a phone call. It’s a telephone interview! It’s excellent! He’s explaining everything and the more he says, the more I know this job was made for me. But what about baby? We talked in length and he made it clear that arranging care for baby was the only obstacle and something we’d talk about at a face to face interview, set for later this week!

I cannot believe my luck. But what about baby? He’s 4 and a half months, but he’s already calling out for mama when I’m not there. I wouldn’t be starting just yet but is it too cruel to start a full time job so early? It’s as nursery staff but there’s no guarantee my nursery has a place available for him. There’s forms to fill, people to call and oh so many obstacles. So do I have to choose between being a good mum or my dream job, or can I be a good mum AND have my dream job. Or am I worrying too soon considering nothing is signed yet?

Stay tuned, we find out Wednesday 27th March.

In the deep end

If every mother looked back she’d remember two very specific days. The first is the one where you realise EXACTLY how difficult motherhood is gonna be, and the other is when you realise you’ve been managing much better than you ever thought possible.

The first realisation happens very early on, once you’re home from the hospital. Your body hurts from the birth (natural or c-section) and there’s this tiny screaming person who won’t stop screaming, no matter what you do.

My realisation was about 2 weeks after the birth after one week in hospital and once my mother in law went home. I was exhausted, walking around the bedroom with the tiny screaming lump at 3am, a lump that cried if I put him down or stopped moving. I was exhausted, in pain, and blindsided by how ill prepared I was. When I was younger I had helped my mother with my newborn baby brother. He was twenty years younger than me, but for 4 weeks I was the one who stayed up through the night, did nappies, fed him etc. as my mum was too ill. I thought this would give me an advantage, that it would prepare me for motherhood. Nope. I never appreciated how much childbirth took out of you, nor how much hearing your child cry would tug at your heartstrings. Nor, indeed, how frustrating it would be that you couldn’t calm your own child.

The second realisation is much nicer. For while the first can plunge you into deep depression, the second lifts you up out of it. Maybe not all the way but it’s amazing. My second came around ten weeks. I’d been managing all my son’s needs without much difficulty for at least two weeks, and I hadn’t noticed. There was a routine in place, I was even making packed lunches for my husband, and using new recipes online to make dinner! It was uplifting.

I think my point from this post, is that though there are times where you feel like a failure, and there are days when the frustration seems too much; there are always days where you notice a success. However small, there are successes and none should be ignored. We are all Mumming at Beginner Level, so give yourself a break: you’re doing great.

Stay happy mums!

Kyouya – 1, Babysitter – 0

So today while I’m working, the babysitter has put my boy in the jumper thing so he can “dance” along to music. He loved this so it’s a great idea.

Sadly, after a while, his attention was drawn to the one toy on that jumper he has yet to figure out: the turtle. Basically you push the turtle down and loads of beads spin around. Thing is, despite showing him countless times, Kyouya has decided there’s a higher chance it’ll work if he stares at it and growls. The mind is a wonderous thing, but that has yet to work and Kyouya ends up crying. Usually we turn him to face a different toy and he soon calms down, but not today!

Poor babysitter knew what I do, and also tried to turn him to face a different toy. But he was adamant he’d play this one. Eventually, in floods of years, he put his hands up to be picked up out of it.

But upon being held in her arms, he looked at her disappointed and said “mama” before punching her in the nose. Dazed, she put him down. She’s wiped her nose, which seemed to be running, and discovered blood. Not a river, but enough to warrant a tissue or two. Apparently she thinks he was sad I wasn’t there, and punished her for it.

Either way:

Kyouya – 1, Babysitter – 0