How to kill negativity as a working mum

About a month ago I went for a job interview and failed miserably. For the sake of my family I needed it, and by failing I thought I simply wasn’t worth it anymore, being a mum. Skills I may have, but having a baby is a full time job. But it’s only recognised as such if it’s detrimental. Usually we hear “it’s not as hard as if you had to…” And “what’s wrong? you get to lie around all day!” But when you want a job it’s “aren’t you too busy to take on a full time job?” It’s. All. Bull. (Excuse the expression).

We ARE worth it, and any company who can’t see that you’re amazing being able to take on both mothering AND a job, doesn’t deserve you. It took me a long time to realise this, but I finally have and got a job with a GREAT company.

It’s as an English teacher in a daycare, where I’ll work 9 hours a day, including a one hour lunch break. I get full benefits, training towards a childcare qualification, a great wage, it’s not far from home and the clincher? My baby can come too! Though this is not usually a good thing, as it pulls your focus, my planned daycare suddenly said there was no space. Knowing he could definitely go, made things much easier.

I was actually offered TWO jobs, which was manic. Both excellent and exciting, though both slightly different, but both in excellent companies. It was hard to decide and, at one point, I was leaning towards the other job, which was closer to home. The job I eventually took did everything it could to help.

If a company is willing to do this, I’m obviously not worthless. We need to remember that being mums ADDS to our list of qualifications and worth. It in no way detracts. If you haven’t found the job yet, remember you’re worth it and it’s out there.

Oh!… And the one that turned me down is still looking. 😉

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Babysitter down

It has been a turbulent week this week resulting in a complete inability to post. There were good things and bad things so let’s look at them.

I worked a lot, but sadly Kyouya hasn’t been sleeping so I’m simply up several times throughout the night. It’s not nice going to work after 4 hours of regularly disturbed sleep, but there’s not much you can do about it.

We also had baby daddy’s birthday this week, and that was nice. We had to celebrate over several days considering everything, but the highlight was probably the Karaoke. I hate singing in front of anyone, but hubby managed to persuade me while he stood holding our tiny person. As I sang Adele’s “hello” he fell asleep! The tiny ball of energy fell asleep in a karaoke room while I murdered a beautiful song! Children are weird but this was oddly flattering.

The biggest issue this week was probably my babysitter. She has been a rock, bless her, but my tiny fat boy has gotten the better of her a few times this week. Wanting mummy, he gets clingy to her in my absence and often screams blue murder if you put him down. Since neither of us are fans of the “cry it out” method, it has meant a few long hours trying to calm him down in the baby carrier. Now if that wasn’t enough, she suffered two injuries this week saving my son from injury. One fall injuring her back and knee, another, only on Sunday, a day and a bit later, falling down and somehow almost decapitating her toes! Yeah, you read that right… without ANY sharp objects she somehow bent her toes completely back on her foot, and split open the back of her toes… I considered uploading a picture, but since I nearly vomited, the faint of heart may easily… Well … Faint.

She had four stitches in one toe and three in the other with extremely likely nerve damage. Despite many bets waged, she didn’t break ANY bones. Those betting blame her hypermobility and say they were cheated. Being among them, I naturally agree lol. But were it not for her sacrificing her foot as her knee gave out, my son could have suffered terrible injuries in such a small space. So this may mean I cannot work anymore until we get him into daycare, but on my part I’m just glad she’s not any worse and I’m eternally grateful that he’s ok.

I’ve struggled privately with lack of breast milk due to my working, and his new found fondness for food. But when I come home he always rummages for boob, so they’re still best quality it seems.

I’ve also been struggling on the job front. If I find a job I like I invariably don’t get a response, and jobs I don’t like come in spades. It’s a nightmare. As I’ve said previously, I have to love a job if I’m going to leave little man to do it. Just gonna have to keep looking.

Milestones were a-plenty this week. He managed to get his bum off the floor in crawling, only 3 seconds but now all we need is to move forward! I have high hopes he’ll be steady all four wobbling in two weeks.

More than anything I hope things start getting easier soon. I hope you all are well too.

Determination on the home front

While mums are amazing in their own right, juggling housework, spouses and children, working mum’s deserve a little extra kudos. Juggling the above AND a job is extremely difficult. Generally speaking you must sacrifice any time you’d usually rest for the sake of the family.

Naturally a mother’s grasp on the housework, and indeed work, rest on the welfare of the family and her own body. If she or another family member are unwell, it will be impossible to keep the house exactly at her preferred standard without an even higher than normal output.

Recently, I’ve been swamped with work. I’ve also had a persistent cold. And then there’s the baby going through a growth spurt who wants 100% attention. The house looks awful, I won’t lie. But it’s ok. I know I’m doing my best. What’s more is I don’t even have it that hard. With only one tiny person to look after, I’m much less pressed than other mothers, working or not. Once I have 4 and a job, I’m sure I’ll fully understand exactly how difficult is and how hard mothers work.

Until then, I want to say “well done” to all you full time mum’s and working mum’s. You’re doing an excellent job and I live in awe of you every day.

Please make some time for you today, you deserve it.

Milestones on a schedule

Now that it’s April I’m working full steam. It’s a slow month, but I still have to be AT work sadly. But we’ve moved Kyouya onto solids.

What does this mean for me then? Well, besides having to strictly supervise my husband’s feeding frenzies, in which he gives him WAY too much unless I’m breathing down his neck, it also means that my little one’s tummy is having a rough time, and needs mummy to help relieve gas and other delights from the land down under.

So far this has meant he has woken up for winding a few times, but otherwise he has been sleeping better. The only thing is that, so that he can relieve his wind before bedtime, I need to get back home earlier. Not only this, I don’t want to miss out on the horrified grimaces and joyful smiles as new flavours are introduced!

He tried carrots yesterday, but daddy didn’t wait for mummy to get home… Mummy was very angry. Especially because, despite the video showing it, I wasn’t there to witness my son experiencing a new flavour. I would have loved to see it LIVE, as my son decided carrots are not for him! Instead I get the video version.

Because of my firm determination not to miss anymore feeding times, I have started altering my work schedule. I’m lucky my job allows for this, which means I will have to be careful when deciding on a future job, in order to avoid missing more special moments than are necessary.

Everything centres around my boy and all the thoughts and concerns swirl around constantly in my head, creating a nonsensical soup of words.

I hope this soup didn’t give you a headache!

Working Mummy worries 2

I didn’t get the job. It sucks. I clammed up in the interview and my answers were AWFUL. Seriously… They couldn’t script a worse one. And now I’m stuck in two minds: I want to be at home with my baby, so this is good, but I want to help support my husband.

Since I got the rejection my mind has been rocking from “yay!” To “oh my god, what have I done”. My husband has no problem with the outcome, and says he’ll support whichever way forward I choose, be it work or stay at home mum. This is where it gets hard. Working mothers are not always doing it just to stay afloat financially; we also do it because we like it. I’m a go getter, I’ve had a part time job since I was 13 and haven’t stopped working. I love it, the challenge, and it’s part of me.

You give up so much of yourself when you become a mum… Everything comes second at the very least. So to give up work if you’re a worker bee, is like giving up another side of your identity. So while the idea of being able to watch Kyouya go through these milestones is wonderful, I’m really raring to go to a job I love. Not to mention the continuing desire to help my husband. It’s a real weight, so for the next month I’m going to be trying my best to find a job that I would be satisfied to do full time, that I’d love enough that I wouldn’t feel so guilty leaving my little boy; and if I can’t find it by that time… I’m going to have to make peace with not working.

Wish me luck!

Working Mummy worries

I had my job interview today. I have high hopes. It’s a great job and in a great place. Considering how difficult it is to leave your child in the care of someone else, I couldn’t do it for anything other than the best job that I loved.

But I worry. What am I gonna miss if I get this job? He’s extremely attached recently as I’ve tried to go to my current job more, and often cries for ‘Mama’ when I’m not there. I’m terrified that leaving him with others will cause him damage in the long run. That this is heartless. I mean, is it really necessary to do this?

We’re getting by, sure it’s tight and kinda paycheck to paycheck, but we’re ok.

Truthfully I don’t wanna leave my baby right now, but I know that this would help us all and take some pressure off daddy. I’m not the only mum to work nowadays. I just need to make my peace with it.

Tomorrow I’ll get the call about the job, and if I get it I’m gonna go at it full throttle and then make the most out of my time with Kyouya. It’s going to be heart-wrenching but there are so many good things to be said about the position and the benefits for the family. Especially since my outgoings are minimal and they pay all expenses. My entire wage packet would go to family savings! Not to mention bonuses and weekends off with the family. I’ve just gotta keep positive, and give all the love I can to my baby when I see him.

It’s so hard… I love him so much.

Can you have a cake and eat it too?

No one understands crisis of character like a new mother. Previously you could put yourself either first or pretty high up on your list, but once you’ve got a baby, all that is sidelined. That’s not to say you never put yourself first again, it’s just the priorities change. You want to go out with a friend for her birthday, but baby comes first. You want to go out for a meal or to a movie, but baby comes first. You want JUST ONE MINUTE of peace and quiet, free from worry, but baby stops that too. Don’t get me wrong: it’s worth it, but there are times where it’s harder to let things go. The other day I was faced with such a dilemma.

I found a job.

And not just any job! One I loved! It was perfect for me, exactly to my skillset, close to home, rewarding and had loads of extra benefits on top! But what about baby? Impossible right? Not to mention, typical bad timing… But I couldn’t leave it alone. I decided to apply and explain everything about my mini person in the covering letter. I didn’t want to regret not trying. I resigned myself to the fact that I was never gonna get it, especially with so many non complicated applications, and 70 other applicants. But I tried. You have to remember who you are underneath being a Mum. True to that go getter worker bee I applied and smiled that I didn’t just give up a dream.

They called.

4 days after I submitted it, I get a phone call. It’s a telephone interview! It’s excellent! He’s explaining everything and the more he says, the more I know this job was made for me. But what about baby? We talked in length and he made it clear that arranging care for baby was the only obstacle and something we’d talk about at a face to face interview, set for later this week!

I cannot believe my luck. But what about baby? He’s 4 and a half months, but he’s already calling out for mama when I’m not there. I wouldn’t be starting just yet but is it too cruel to start a full time job so early? It’s as nursery staff but there’s no guarantee my nursery has a place available for him. There’s forms to fill, people to call and oh so many obstacles. So do I have to choose between being a good mum or my dream job, or can I be a good mum AND have my dream job. Or am I worrying too soon considering nothing is signed yet?

Stay tuned, we find out Wednesday 27th March.

Sod’s Law

This law is of paramount importance to every new mum, because it applies to everything. You start cooking breakfast but baby wakes up just as it’s ready, you’re ready to leave the house when baby poops and you have to go get ready again, or like last night, baby is exhausted and begging for boob until you get into bed… At which point he stares at you with a gleeful smile and ignores your awaiting bosom.

Last night I was lucky that hubby was willing to walk him until he nodded off as it was DOUBLE sods law. I have work today and it’s like he knew! Thankfully he didn’t cause too much trouble this morning so I was able to get out the house alright. I was still late, but not by his fault… Didn’t want to leave that smushy face!

Ah well … Wish me luck! I’m hoping to do a full day of work WITHOUT irritating my babysitter for details every ten minutes.